September 17, 1862, Along Antietam Creek, 
                    Sharpsburg, Maryland

It's 8:00 at night.  How could what happened 
here today happen?  War is supposed to be 
noble and honorable.  What has happened here 
is neither noble or honorable.

When we left Boonsboro, we learned that Lee had 
moved his entire Army of some 38,000 troops to 
Sharpsburg and was prepared to defend it.  
General McClellan decided to attack Lee with the 
75,000 troops he had massed in this area.

The battle started at about 6:00 this morning, 
and ended just a few hours ago, but we can still 
hear a volley being fired now and then.  The war 
must surely be over now.  There cannot be a 
single man here, general or private on either 
side, who after witnessing what happened here 
today is willing to continue fighting.

We moved down from Keedysville, Md., and were 
assigned to take the bridge south of Sharpsburg 
and then move on the town itself.  Rumor was 
that this was the extreme right flank of the 
Confederate line.  If we could collapse the 
right we may be able to encircle a good portion 
of their entire army.

We made our first assault on the bridge at about 
10:00 this morning.  The Confederates were dug in 
on good ground and we had to fall back.  That's
how it was for the next five hours without stop.

We'd advance, they'd drive us back, we'd advance, 
they'd drive us back.  The dead and wounded were 
everywhere.  I was seeing the elephant again but
for the first time I was also seeing how truly 
ugly he was.

I fired my musket into ranks of men and watched 
as they fell.  I did not know if they were dead 
or wounded.  What I did know was that whatever 
their fate it was at my hand.

This wasn't like at Turner's Gap.  There I didn't 
see the effects of what I was doing.  I had seen 
the bodies of Confederate troops, but never
considered the possibility that I had shot them.

Here I could see them.  I knew it was me. Men 
were dying by the hundreds but it went on.

When I ran at the second battle of Bull Run, I 
was ashamed of my cowardice. Now I was standing 
my ground and fighting and I was ashamed of my 
courage.  Couldn't anyone see what was happening 
here?  Why wasn't anyone stopping this?

At about 1:00 in the afternoon General Rodman's 
Division moved around the Confederate's right 
and crossed the creek behind their lines.  At 
about 3:00 when they realized our troops were 
behind them the Confederate line collapsed.  We 
charged across the bridge and pushed them clear 
back to the outskirts of Sharpsburg.

Just as we were really beginning to rout them, 
more Confederate troops appeared out of nowhere 
and attacked our left flank.  We had to fall 
back and dig in.  It was all we could do to 
hold the ground we had taken after crossing the 
bridge.

We repulsed every effort to drive us back across 
the creek and at about 6:00 the attacks stopped.  
Both sides were exhausted.  I wonder what
tomorrow will bring.

We've learned that the troops that attcked our 
left were from A.P. Hill's Corps.  They moved up 
from Harper's Ferry which is now in Confederate
hands.  The troops we was beating was from 
Longstreet's Corps again.
  
The word is that as bad as the carnage was here at 
what they're now calling Burnside's Bridge, it is 
much worse in other areas of the battlefield. Rumor 
is that a in roadbed near the center of the 
Confederate line the dead are so thick the ground 
can't be seen.  They've already named it Bloody
Lane.

To have seen hundreds lying upon this field, some 
dead and others wounded, and to hear the cries of 
the wounded for help...  some with an arm, leg, and 
even their nose or under jaw shot off, it is truly 
revolting.  Someone has got to end this cruelty.  I 
truly believe that no one will fight tomorrow.

I will not.