August 4, 1862 
The Union encampment on the 
Rappahannock River near      
Fredericksburg, Virginia

It's been a while since I've had a chance to 
write anything in my journal. I've yet to be 
tested in battle and am still not sure how 
I'll be when the time comes.  We've been near 
battles but not in them.

I haven't seen the elephant, but I heard him!  
I hope his appearance isn't as terrifying as 
the sound he makes.  I'm beginning to hope I 
never see him.

In what they call the Seven Days Battle on 
the peninsula, the 5th NJ was mostly held in 
reserve and didn't really see any action.  We 
were moved to the banks of the Chickahominy 
River just south of Gaines Mill and Cold
Harbor on about June 16.  Things were pretty 
peaceful there until about the 27th.

On that day, the new general of the 
Confederate Army, Robert E. Lee, and Stonewall 
Jackson attacked our forces from the north.  
We were about a mile behind the lines but the 
fighting must have been terrible.  The volleys 
of thunderbolts from the hundreds of cannons 
and the thousands of muskets was like nothing 
I had ever heard before.

I stayed in my tent almost the entire time.  I 
laid on my blankets and shook.  I wasn't laying 
down by choice.

The sound of battle so terrified me that I could 
not stand.  The ground and the air shook 
violently from the sound.  I laid there thinking 
if I was this scared of the sound how could I 
ever be in a real battle?

On the 28th we broke camp and pulled out with 
the Confederates hot on our trail.  They pushed 
us south across the Chickahominy River, through 
the White Oak Swamp, and into the town of 
Britton.  We stopped there and reformed to meet 
the Confederate charge.

We couldn't hold out long.  On the 30th we were 
on the move pulling back again.  The units in 
front of us were taking quite a beating but we 
were never placed into the line.

The word is that we weren't used because the 5th 
took such a terrible beating before we got here.  
We'll only be used as a last resort.  Also 
there's some concern about so many of us being 
green.

We got close to the action when we was passing 
through Glendale.  About half a mile to the west 
our infantry under General Kearny stopped an 
attempt by General Lee to capture Glendale and 
cut our line of retreat.  Thanks to General 
Kearny most of our army was able to move down 
Quaker Road to Malvern Hill.

We dug in there and on July 1, a terrible battle 
ensued.  We were less than a half mile from the 
front but never fired a shot.  Artillery shells 
landed nearby and an ocassional musket ball 
whizzed overhead but we really weren't in the 
battle.

I talked to a man from a Wisconsin unit who 
said that the confederates made charge after 
charge against our artillery and didn't seem 
to care if they lost half their army.  Their 
charging ranks were mowed down and lied in heaps 
and rows.  They were piled so high that our 
troops used them as barricades and fired on the 
confederates who came charging after them.  To
add to the carnage he said that our gunboats were 
throwing their murderous missles into the enemies 
ranks with furious effect.

We were on the farside of the hill and didn't 
get to see anything of this, but it sounded at 
least as bad as the Wisconsin man described it.  
The confederates stopped attacking around sunset.  
Later that night we pulled out and fell back all 
the way to Harrison's Landing.

The battle was over.  We had been soundly 
thrashed.  I was embarassed and angered by the 
defeat but also strangely relieved that I didn't
have to find out about myself.

Tomorrow we'll be breaking camp and marching 
northwest to reinforce General Sigel's troops.  
They've been fighting a running battle with the
confederates from Freeman's Ford to Sulphur 
Springs.  They're only about twenty miles from 
Bull Run where this whole thing started back in 
July of '61.

I got a letter from home about two weeks ago and 
everyone there seems fine.

I haven't told them how scared I am.  My guess is 
I'll never have to.